Trans 101: Coming Out As Non-Binary (resource guide)

A mixture of personal narratives, informative how-to guides, coming out tips and suggestions, useful websites, and materials to share with your family and friends when you’re discussing nonbinary identities, gender, pronouns, nonbinary transition, and coming out. Source: Non-Binary Resources

coming out and talking about nonbinary identities

“Coming Out: The Plan” from Neutrois Nonsense

“I’ve come out to many people in many ways. I’ve received a wide variety of reactions; thankfully I’ve made it through the bad ones, and still cherish the good ones. Here are five points I wish I would’ve had as a coming out plan (not that I ever had a plan in the first place).”

“Explaining Gender Identity” from Everyone Is Gay (linked to us by the author, amusingdisplacement)

As long as people are respecting you, and referring to you using the language you prefer, you really don’t need to worry about whether or not they know the complexities of how you identify.

Coming Out Tips from Transactive Online

Be Confident. You know who you are. You are sharing this aspect of your identity with your loved ones, not asking for their permission to be your authentic self. 

“Explaining Genderqueer to Those Who Are Not” from Neutrois Nonsense

“What does it really mean to be a man or a woman? Gender identity goes beyond gender roles. It runs deeper than clothes, hair, makeup, colors; although these are means to express it, they do not make your gender. To me gender identity is a feeling: something internal, intangible, and very difficult to explain with words.”

“How do you decide if it’s worth it to come out?” from Ask A Non-Binary

“Only you can decide if it’s worth it to come out. It’s a risk benefit analysis—what do you gain, what do you lose? I would start by making a list. Possible gains include being properly gendered, gaining a support network, and more freedom in presentation. Possible losses include the lost friends, general confusion and much milling about.”

“How do I come out to my friends and family as genderfluid?” from House of Alexzander

“My best advice would be to be patient. It takes time for people to completely grasp gender variations, especially if they were not aware that gender variations existed.”

“Not Your Mom’s Trans 101” from Tranarchism

“There is a huge problem with the way that people are taught about gender in this society. Children are indoctrinated early to believe that there are two sexes, corresponding with two genders, which are both immutable and non-voluntary and completely beyond our control. This worldview is called the gender binary, and it has no room in it for us.”

“A Trans-Teen’s Story: Respecting the Pronoun” from Bokeh 

“Besides the long process of coming out, explaining to friends and family who I truly am and, in some instances, defending that there are many other struggles that I, along with many other trans folks, experience on a day-to-day basis. Which restroom will I use if a gender-neutral option is not available? How will I respond if someone misgenders me? What will I do if someone uses an offensive slur regarding my androgyny or my sexuality? These are a few situations that make day-to-day life as a trans person generally more difficult and uncomfortable.”

“On Coming Out as Genderqueer; or, My Life as a Bearded Lady” from Hackgender

“The culture would have us believe that gender comes naturally for some people. I have my doubts, but it’s possible that my own struggle has just made me cynical. What I do know is that gender and its cousin sexuality have been a source of confusion for most of my life. After all this time, however, I feel like I’ve come to some sort of understanding, and I’d like to share it as best I can. This is a very personal narrative, but my hope is that by writing it down and putting it out there, I can avoid (or at least minimize) the even more daunting task of explaining myself verbally over and over again.”

“Coming out as gender fluid” from All About Trans

Short video in which Cozmo/Abbi-Gail discusses their experiences coming out as genderfluid. 

“Resources for ‘coming out’ as trans to Spanish-only speaking parents” from LatiNegra Sexologist

Includes links to resources, guides, and chat services for coming out as trans to Spanish-speaking family and friends.

pronoun practice

“What the heck are pronouns?” from Minus 18

A campaign entirely created by gender diverse and same-sex attracted people, designed to spread awareness about pronouns. Includes an article on pronouns, a video featuring gender diverse individuals speaking about their pronouns, and an app for practicing unfamiliar pronouns.

“Gender Neutral Pronoun Usage” from MIT

Breaks down how to use and pronounce she/her, he/him, ze/hir, and e/em.

“Pronouns” from Williams’ LGBT Resources

Designed for individuals with little familiarity with trans individuals and gender-neutral pronouns, this guide breaks down how to ask someone about their pronouns, includes charts of how to use various pronouns.

transition talk for nonbinary individuals

“5 Myths About Non-Binary Transition” from Neutrois Nonsense 

“A big part of transitioning – as with everything in life – is learning to accept what is possible and what is not, coming to terms with the fact that we are all imperfect humans living imperfect lives. This is not to say that, if we push hard enough, the line between the impossible and reality can’t shift, ever so slightly, ever so slowly, forward.”

coming out as nonbinary at school

“Applying to College as a Non Binary Trans Person”

Information on the application process, the Common Application, campus housing, and gender-neutral policies, with reference to specific colleges and universities in the United States.

continued reading: assorted masterposts

“Coming Out as Transgender, Genderqueer, and/or Non-Binary Masterpost” from Genderqueer Identities

“QPOC Coming Out/Support Resources Masterpost” from qpocinlike (source site inactive)

websites

Coming Out As Nonbinary (comingoutasnonbinary)

A collection of stories, tips, information, and links about coming out as nonbinary.

Genderqueer Survival Guide for Daily Life (gqsurvivalguide)

Questionnaires filled out by individuals who identify as genderqueer and nonbinary, including personal stories and helpful advice. 

The Transgender Teen’s Survival Guide (transgenderteensurvivalguide)

A safe and supportive space for folks of all ages who have questions concerning their gender identity, to share your stories and concerns, as well as receive help and resources.

materials to share with family + friends

How to Be Respectful of Trans People in Just 7(ish) Semi-Easy Steps from Qpnaosc (pdf)

5 Things You Should Know About Your Agender Acquaintance from Autostraddle

“Be a Better Ally: How to Support Your Transgender Friends” from Gena Ricciardi

“TransWhat?: A Guide to Allyship” from TransWhat?

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